It’s interesting…the dynamic of males in a social situation. The Alphas, the betas…the somewhere in-betweeners. I sat today with a group of about 6 or 7 guys (men, if you will) and I found it fascinating.
I observed so many little social nuances amongst the group. Some I recognised, some I did not. Where they sat and HOW they sat seemed of great importance to me…at least in the state I was experiencing today.
By the way, it’s worth mentioning that most of these guys are Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) fighters and train together. Other than that, some of them were just meeting each other today for the first time.
For whatever reason, I felt out of place. “Maybe it’s the glasses”, I thought, “Maybe they make me look like a geek or dorky or something”.
“Maybe they can tell I’m not inherently part of their pack and want to cast me out into ‘the woods’ as a reject”.
Whatever it was, I didn’t feel all that comfortable.
For a start, I didn’t know most of them, but then…quite a few of them were introducing each other.
“Can’t they tell I live here and I belong here?!”, I thought desperately to myself. “Since when was I the weak one?”.
As you can see, there was a lot of thought going on for me. I was very much in my head, very insecure, very unconfident and confused, and yet still felt I had a place that should be respected…
…but was I respecting it?
Did I know my value in that situation?
Did I know that I’m “the shit” and a boss?
Did I feel comfortable in my own skin?
Why? Lots of reasons, but the point is it had NOTHING to do with them.
Everything I was perceiving, everything I was focusing on and everything I was worried about was all in my head.
At the end of the day, I was chattering away in my own mind with an excess of feminine energy and a bit lack of masculine energy…and I don’t mean exaggerated, aggressive male energy – I mean grounded, calm, non-giving-of-fucks energy.
Any time you’re in a similar situation or you feel like you need to “people please” or bow down to someone socially, you are giving far too many fucks and you are being a little bitch (to put it bluntly).
So, what was the end result?
Later on that day, I felt my energy start to come back. I felt my power slowly returning, and as it did, I started feeling like a BOSS again. As soon as THAT happened, everything in my environment changed…
People were behaving differently around me, all of a sudden tons of people were talking to me on Facebook, my mind became clear, and I felt happy and calm. For the first time since the break up, I felt that inner strength, power and happiness I’d missed so much.
Please understand, overcoming the Nice Guy Syndrome is about self mastery. That is the most simple way I can describe for you. It is about changing your outlook in life by changing your thoughts, attitudes, actions, mindset and habits.
In order for us to overcome this plight, we must first become aware of its existence, understand the causality and why it exists, and then go about developing ourselves as people, to overcome what is an infinitely worse problem: self-deprecation.
EVERY TIME you stand up for yourself, your self-esteem grows. EVERY TIME you go after what you want in life (even if you don’t get it), your confidence grows. EVERY TIME you treat yourself with all the love, appreciation and respect you would show your lover or best friend, you show your brain that YOU are VALUABLE…and WORTHY OF LOVE.
Take stock of your actions and behaviours. Become aware of what you do and really analyse WHY you do it. Be honest with yourself and you will start to learn more than you realise existed.
Stay strong, brother!
Luke de Vere